SEANDAINYA

 

Hujan barulah reda ketika kita duduk diberanda sambil menikmati kopi dan sekedar camilan dari hasil mencoba berkreatif dari bahan sekedarnya yang bisa aku temukan di dapur. Kamu tidak mencelanya meskipun jelas pisang itu tenggelam dalam balutan tebal tepung.

 

Kamu datang dua hari yang lalu, muncul dengan senyum sederhana yang sama yang membuatku terpesona bertahun lalu, bahkan juga kini masih memesonaku. Kau menyapa seolah aku tidak pernah menuding dan memintamu pergi. Memintamu untuk menjauh dan bahkan memintamu untuk jangan pernah berani untuk menoleh.

 

Sepertinya bukan hanya karena kamu begitu keras kepala, tapi juga karena hatiku lemah maka aku membirakanmu sekali lagi masuk, dan kembali membiarkan rumah terbiasa dengan kehadiranmu. Ahk... kalau sudah begini, mantra kutukan sudah tidak ada gunanya lagi. Karena aku jauh lebih hafal mantra penangkalnya.

 

Aku sudah tidak ingin menggodamu dengan pertanyaan-pertanyaan soal gadis mungil jelitamu atau siapapun ia yang sudah menjadikamu begitu melankolis, sekaligus juga angkuh. Hingga seolah lupa bahwa aku tidak pernah meminta apapun darimu. Bahwa bukanlah aku yang menggandeng tangamu, tapi kamu lah yang menggenggam tanganku ketika kita memutuskan untuk melongok padang dibalik kabut selepas hujan. Bahwa aku... bahwa aku... Ahk... sudahlah!

 

Aku tatap rumpun tanaman mawar berbunga magenta; Ya, magenta, tidak merah muda, apa lagi serupa ungu atau merah. warnanya magenta-- yang aku tanam setiap kali aku merindukanmu. Rembulan separuh muncul dari balik awan kelabu ketika tiba-tiba saja kamu bertanya tentang kita, dan lalu tentang anak yang bahkan tidak sedang dan atau bahkan tidak akan pernah aku kandung dan lahirkan, hingga membuatku nyaris tersedak kopi. Aku tidak tau harus berkata apa melihat bagaimana kamu membicarakannya selayak lelaki yang ingin punya banyak anak.

 

Aku berharap bisa membaca pikiranmu, jadi aku bisa mengetahui darimana munculnya pemikiran itu, bahkan ketika kita ini bukanlah sepasang kekasih?. Aku tidak ingin berandai-andai. Aku sudah lelah berandai-andai.

 

Andai kamu bisa melihatku dengan utuh.

Andai kamu bersedia melihat jauh kedalam hatiku.

Andai kamu berhenti menguji kesabaranku.

 

Andai kamu menyayangiku dengan cukup. Cukup untuk tidak memperlakukan aku sebagai pilihan. Cukup untuk tidak datang dan pergi sesuka hati seolah hatiku tidak terluka. 

 

Seandainya... senadainya... seandainya... Aku lelah berandai-andai.

 

Aku potong ocehanmu dengan satu kecupan. Ringan. Tepat dibibirmu. Aku selalu ingin melakukan itu. Mengejutkanmu dengan satu kecupan. Satu detik untuk menyadarkanmu bahwa aku mencintaimu.

 

Sunyi. Kamu hanya menatapku. Dan aku biarkan sunyi mendekap kami. 'Harus dramatis' gumamku dalam hati, aku sudah berjanji pada diriku sendiri, ketika saatnya tiba, aku harus menjadikannya dramatis.

 

Setelah beberapa saat sunyi, aku tarik nafas panjang. 

 

"Kamu bicara soal anak seolah kamu akan menetap. Sedang kita berdua tau, entah besok, entah lusa, atau entah minggu besok, atau entah bulan depan, kamu akan pergi lagi. Mengasingkan aku lagi," aku tatap kamu tepat dikedua matamu, "kamu tau? Tidaklah mudah menciptakan mantra diam dan lupa. Karena disangkal pun, kenyataannya tidak bisa dibantahkan. Aku mencintaimu."

 

Kamu tidak mengatakan apa-apa, hanya menatapku dengan sorot mata yang kini menjadi lebih dingin daripada pagi selepas hujan semalaman.

 

"Aku akan termakan waktu, menjadi tua. Dan aku tidak ingin menghabiskan waktuku dengan menunggu sampai kamu mencintaiku, karena aku tau, kita sama-sama tau kalau kamu hanya mencintai dirimu sendiri. Jadi, pergilah. Dan jangan kembali lagi"

 

Kamu bangkit dari dudukmu dan melangkah masuk kedalam rumah dengan kesal, seperti yang selalu terjadi setiap kali kita membicarakan tentang cinta. Kenapa aku selalu lupa, kalau kamu begitu keras kepala?

 

~CM~

ALLURE

 ALLURE

Bagian 2.

Sesuai rencana setelah makan siang dia dan Darius meninjau lokasi dimana Perpustakaan Publik itu akan dibuka. Dan karena kau memang tertarik dengan proyek itu, dan memang dari awal kau berniat untuk ikut serta dalam setiap kegiatan Darius bersama dengan Alya, maka kau pun ikut meninjau lokasi itu. Bangunan itu merupakan sebuah banguan besar bekas tiga buah ruko berlantai dua yang di renovasi, digabungkan menjadi satu. Dan proses renovasinya sudah hampir selesai. Rombongan orang Jepang datang tidak lama setelah mereka. Rombongan itu terdiri dari tiga orang Jepang, seorang penterjemah, seorang rekan Alya dari Departemen Pendidikan dan Kebudayaan pusat, dan dua orang perwakilan Departemen Pendidikan dan Kebudayaan kotamu.

Alya dan Darius menyambut mereka dengan senyum sumringah—Darius juga tidak lupa memperkenalkanmu. Setelah sedikit basa basi kemudian kau mundur dan membiarkan Darius melakukan tugasnya. Sebagai ketua dari Proyek Perpustakaan Publik untuk kota kalian, dia berkewajiban untuk melaporkan setiap perkembangan proyek itu, termasuk memberikan penjelasan pada orang-orang Jepang itu yang dalam hal ini sebagai investor utama, meski dengan Bahasa Inggris yang patah-patah. Meskipun sebetulnya tidak masalah dia menjelaskan dalam Bahasa Indonesia karena toh orang-orang Jepang itu membawa penterjemah, tapi sepertinya menjelaskan dalam Bahasa Inggris sambil bertatap langsung dengan orang-orang Jepang itu membuat Darius lebih percaya diri.

Darius menjelaskan progress renovasi dan tiap-tiap detilnya sambil mengajak rombongan kecil itu berkeliling. Kau coba menyimak, meskipun sebagian perhatianmu lebih tercurah pada sosok anggun yang kini berjalan di depanmu.

Kini kau mulai ingat bagaimana kau bisa melupakan dia, bagaimana kau membiarkan dia menarik diri dan menjauhkan kehidupannya dari jangkauanmu. Karena kau sengaja menelantarkan sosoknya dalam ingatanmu. Kau bermain curang, dengan sengaja tidak pernah menunjukkan minat pada satu hubungan permanen dengannya. Kau datang dan pergi sesuka hati namun begitu dia selalu menyambutmu meskipun marah dan bersumpah kalau dia membencimu. Tapi kau tahu kalau dia mencintaimu, sehingga dia akan selalu memaafkanmu ketika kau memutuskan untuk mengabaikannya. Kau menikmati amarah dan kebenciannya, begitu juga dengan cintanya yang selalu disebutnya tanpa syarat, karena memang seperti itu. Kau tidak pernah menjanjikan sesuatu yang serius dan permanen, dan dia tidak pernah memintanya. Dia hanya memintamu untuk ada, untuknya bersandar. Dia ditinggalkan oleh laki-laki yang begitu dipercayainya, yang ternyata tidak hanya pengkhianat, tapi juga tidak pernah mencintai dan menghargainya.

Kau adalah laki-laki pertama setelah perceraiannya yang menyakitkan, yang mampu membuatnya luluh dan jatuh cinta lagi. Kau adalah laki-laki cerdas, sombong, dan arogan. Kau selalu membuatnya kesal, namun pada saat yang sama kau membuatnya jatuh cinta, karena kau selalu ada untuk mendengarkan apapun yang ada dalam benaknya. Apapun yang tengah meresahkan hatinya. Dan kau selalu memberikan pendapat jujur. Selain dari itu, kau adalah teman yang bisa diajak membicarakan tentang apa saja tanpa memperlakukan dia seperti orang bodoh. Karena memang itu kenyataannya, dia bukanlah wanita bodoh, dan dia membuktikannya. Bisa membangun karir cemerlang dalam waktu singat untuk seorang wanita yang awalnya kebingungan karena tiba-tiba saja harus menghadapi begitu banyak hal sendirian dengan tiga orang anak di usia tiga puluhan bukan hanya sulit, tapi juga tantangan besar. Tidak hanya harus tangguh tapi juga sudah pasti harus cerdas.

Kau menghela nafas panjang lelah. Dia begitu memujamu, namun kau hanya menjadikannya sebagai sekedar hiburan ketika bosan. Kau ingat, kalau kau tidak merasa perlu mengatakan apapun ketika kau mendapat tawaran dan menerima untuk menjadi dosen di almamatermu, dan karenanya kau harus pulang kembali ke kotamu. Dia tidak mengatakan apa-apa, malahan mendoakan yang terbaik buatmu, ketika akhirnya kau mengabarinya dua hari setelah kau sampai di kotamu.

Dia tidak pernah menjadi prioritas, masih sekedar penghiburan ketika kau merasa perlu seseorang untuk menggoda egomu. Sosoknya semakin memudar terlebih ketika kau didorong untuk ikut dalam pemilihan calon anggota dewan mewakili kotamu karena kau dianggap punya potensi dan kritis terhadap seluk beluk pemerintahan daerah. Dan kau seolah mendapat tujuan hidup baru. Kau mempersiapkan diri sebaik mungkin, menghilangkan tiap-tiap yang berpotensi menjadi penghalang. Kau harus menjadi panutan, tanpa cela. Dan ketika kau diperkenalkan pada calon pendamping yang dianggap sepadan bagimu dalam segala hal, yang akan menjadi sosok yang tepat untuk menjadi pendamping seorang anggota dewan, kau menerima tanpa pikir panjang, tanpa terlalu peduli apakah kau mencintanya atau tidak dan apakah gadis itupun mencintaimu atau tidak. Cinta bisa datang kemudian, begitu pikirmu waktu itu. Dan dia pun terlupakan sepenuhnya.

Dia menoleh seolah tersadar kalau kau sudah menatapnya cukup lama. Dia menatapmu sesaat sebelum merendahkan pandangannya dan lalu mengembalikan perhatiannya pada Darius dan orang-orang Jepang. Kau melihat lengkungan tipis dibibirnya. Seolah menyatakan kalau dia mengingat keberadaanmu dalam kehidupannya. Kalau dia mengenalimu. Dan hal itu membuatmu merasa lega.

Darius mundur setindak dan menghampirimu, “rombongan ini mau langsung balik ke Jakarta, aku dan Bu Alya mau antar ke bandara, mau ikut?” Tanya Darius setengah berbisik.

“Dia gak ikut balik ke Jakarta?” kau balik bertanya juga setengah berbisik sambil menunjuk Alya yang terlihat sedang berbicara dengan para orang Jepang itu dengan dagu.

“Bu Alya pulang besok pagi pakai kereta” Jawab Darius.

“Oh...” gumammu, merasa sedikit lega, “aku masih ada urusan, jadi gak ikut.”

“Ya sudah kalo gitu”

Kau pamit pada rombongan Jepang itu menyatakan kalau senang bisa mengenal mereka. Kau pun pamit pada Alya, dan dengan tulus menyatakan sangat mendukung proyeknya dan dengan senang hati jika bisa dilibatkan secara aktif dalam setiap prosesnya, dan akan melakukan apa yang bisa untuk mensukseskan program-program yang sudah dirancang dan disiapkan dalam proyek itu. Dia berterima kasih sambil menjabat tanganmu. Lalu kau pun meninggalkan rombongan kecil itu

Kau duduk disalah satu sudut lobi hotel berbintang itu dengan posisi yang memastikan kau bisa melihat siapa saja yang keluar masuk hotel dengan leluasa. Kau menengok jam tangamu, pukul setengah enam, kau baru saja menghubungi orang rumah kalau malam ini kau tidak akan pulang, ada urusan yang harus kau selesaikan.

Kau menghela nafas panjang, lalu kembali menatap layar ponselmu. Menatap sederet nomor telpon dengan call ID ‘Kamu’, dua kali kau menghubungi nomor tersebut dan dua kali pula ditolak setelah deringan pertama. Terpikir untuk mengirimkan pesan singkat dan memeriksa daftar kontak WhatsAppmu tapi kemudia kau memutuskan untuk tidak melakukannya. Lalu kau rogoh saku kemejamu dan mengeluarkan selembar kartu nama, sebuah nama tercetak tebal ‘Alya Kamila’ dibawahnya tercetak nomor ponsel—nomor yang berbeda dari yang tadi kau coba hubungi, telpon kantor, alamat kantor, dan alamat email. Dia tidak mengganti nomor telponnya, namun tidak menyertakan nomor itu di kartu namanyanya. Berarti nomor itu bersifat pribadi, dan bisa dipastikan tidak banyak yang tahu, karena bisa dipastikan pula, dia tidak akan pernah memberikan nomor telpon itu pada siapapun yang menurutnya tidak punya kepentingan pribadi, atau memiliki hubungan pribadi. Sangat Alya.

Kau menekan layar ponselmu, memasukkan nomor telpon yang tertera di kartu nama. Kau melihat dia melangkah masuk sambil tersenyum pada petuga pintu. Deringan pertama. Deringan kedua. Dia berhenti sejenak di depan meja resepsionis lalu merogoh tas tangannya, mengeluarkan sebuah ponsel dari dalamnya. Deringan ketiga. Dia memandangi sejenak layar ponselnya sejenak sebelum akhirnya menerima panggilan itu sambil melanjutkan langkahnya menuju lift.

“Hallo, maaf ini siapa?” suaranya terdengar datar.

“Ini Satria, apa kita bisa bertemu?” sahutmu sambil bangun dari dudukmu dan berjalan lambat-lambat menuju lift, “ada yang ingin saya bicarakan” katamu lagi dengan nada sama lambatnya dengan langkahmu. Kini kau berdiri beberapa langkah dibelakangnya.

Dia tidak langsung menjawab, hanya mendesah lelah sambil menekan tombol naik di samping pintu lift. Tampak gelisah.

“Apa tidak bisa dibicarakan lewat telpon?”

Pintu lift terbuka, kau ambil langkah lebar dan ikut masuk kedalam lift bersamanya. Dia menatapmu, terlihat sangat terkejut. Hanya kalian berdua yang memasuki lift itu.

“Saya lebih suka membicarakannya secara langsung dengan anda” katamu sambil menekan tombol tutup dan tombol angka 5. Lantai tempat kamarnya berada. Kau tahu, sebab hal pertama yang kau lakukan ketika masuk ke hotel ini adalah mencari informasi ke meja resepsionist. Bukan hal yang sulit.

Dia memutuskan panggilan, dan memasukkan kembali ponselnya ke dalam tas. “Kita bisa bicara di loby” kataya sambil mencoba menekan tombol L, dan tentu saja kau mencegahnya. Kau raih pergelangan tangannya sebelum dia sempat menekan tombol L itu.

“Saya ingin berbicara di ruangan yang lebih pribadi” sahutmu sambil tersenyum.

“Kalau begitu saya menolak” jawabnya sambil mengentakkan tangannya dan menatapmu dengan dingin.

Bel lift berdenting sejurus kemudian pintunya terbuka. Dia buru-buru melangkah keluar, berbelok ke kiri menyusuri lorong panjang yang lantainya dilapisi karpet tebal, dengan langkah cepat, sepenuhnya mengabaikanmu. Dan seperti yang sudah bisa kau duga, kalau dia tidak akan mempermudah upayamu untuk mengajaknya bicara. Untuk menyampaikan begitu banyak hal yang memenuhi benakmu sepanjang siang dan sore ini. Dan lebih dari apapun, kau ingin meminta maaf. Nuranimu mengingatkan, dan mendesakmu untuk mengakui bahwa kau telah memperlakukannya dengan salah bertahun-tahun lalu.

Kau tarik tanganya dengan cepat dan menyeretnya ke ujung koridor ketika kau melihat dia mengelurkan kunci kamarnya. Kau berhenti di depan pintu paling ujung, menjejalkan kunci ke lubangnya, dan mendorongnya terbuka lebar begitu terdengar nada kunci terbuka, menariknya masuk, dan samasekali tidak memperdulikan upayanya melepaskan diri. Kau tahu dengan pasti kalau dia hanya akan berusaha melepaskan tangannya dari cekramanmu. Dia tidak akan memancing keributan dengan mulai berteriak, paling-paling hanya menggertak. Dia tidak akan mau mempermalukan dirinya sendiri, dan terlebih lagi mempermalukanmu.

Kau melepaskan cengraman tanganmu setelah kalian berada di dalam kamar, kau tutup pintunya dengan cepat sambil berusaha mengatur nafas. Kau harus tenang, gumammu dalam hati. Dulu kau selalu bisa mengendalikan sikap keras kepala dan kemarahannya, jadi seharusnya sekarang pun bisa, gumammu lagi dalam hati.

Dia berdiri dengan sikap defensif, marah, galak, namun sangat terkendali, tampaknya dia sudah belajar banyak untuk mengendalikan amarahnya, sebab dulu dia sudah pasti mulai mengoceh meskipun dengan gigi terkatup dan suara ditekan sekuat mungkin. Sejauh ini, belum satu kata pun terucap. Rahangnya tidak tampak mengeras sebagai tanda dia menahan amarah. Dia hanya berdiri, anggun dan tampak berjuang untuk bersabar. Kau melintasi kamar berukuran delapan kali enam meter itu. Menghampiri kursi kembar berlengan dengan meja kopi bundar dari kayu diantaranya yang diletakkan disudut kamar dekat jendela.

“Duduklah” katamu sambil menarik salah satu kursi berlengan itu. Dan langsung ditolak.

“Terima kasih, tapi saya berdiri saja. Saya yakin tidak akan lama” sahutnya datar.

“Ada banyak yang harus kita bicarakan” katamu sambil duduk bersandar di kursi satu lagi.

“saya ragukan itu,” sahutnya cepat, “dan saya samasekali tidak tertarik dengan apapun yang ingin anda bicarakan” tegas, dan tajam. Tampaknya ada begitu banyak yang sudah dia pelajari. Gaya bicaranya sudah seperti seorang birokrat.

“Kamu gak kangen sama aku?” tanyamu sambil menatapnya tepat di kedua matanya.

“Tidak” cepat, tanpa emosi, dan jelas terlatih.

Bisa kau bayangkan bagaimana dia mengucapkan kata itu berulang-ulang pada dirinya sendiri, bertahun-tahun. Mengantisipasi situasi seperti sekarang ini. Sebab kalian sama-sama tahu pertanyaan itulah yang selalu pertama kali kau tanyakan. Gelombang rasa bersalah kembali menghantammu.

“Kemari, duduklah” kau mengangkat punggungmu sambil mengulurkan tangan. Membujuknya.

“Sepertinya kamu punya kehidupan yang sempurna disini. Sepuluh tahun lagi mungkin kamu sudah bisa jadi rektor, seperti yang selalu kamu impikan. Dan tentu saja karir politik yang akan memberimu banyak tantangan baru” tidak memperdulikan bujukanmu.

“Aku gak mau bahas itu” potongmu cepat.

“Sebaiknya kita tetap seperti apa yang sudah kita lewati seharian ini, berpura-pura tidak saling mengenal” sepenuhnya mengabaikan perkataanmu, “sebab itu yang terbaik untuk kita berdua” sambungnya dengan sikap yang sangat terkendali, dan kau benci itu.

“Kamu yakin gak mau duduk?” dengan suara selembut mungkin, mencoba sekali lagi membujuknya.

“Sangat yakin” jawaban cepat dengan nada diplomatis yang membuatmu kesal.

“Tapi aku mau kita bicara sambil duduk.” Kau mulai kehabisan kesabaran.

“Tapi aku gak mau membicarakan apapun itu yang ingin kamu bicarakan!” sahutnya sambil melotot, mulai kehabisan kesabaran. Bagus, lebih baik begitu. Lebih mudah bagimu menghadapinya, akan lebih baik lagi kalau dia memaki dan bersumpah serapah atau mengutukmu. Setidaknya bisa mengurangi rasa bersalah yang menyelimutimu.

“Kamu gak tau apa yang mau aku omongin ke kamu, tapi belum apa-apa sudah menolak. Kamu pikir apa yang mau aku bicarakan?” kau membela diri, bagaimanapun itu yang sebenarnya. Biarpun apapun tebakkannya tentang apa yang akan kalian bicarakan samasekali tidak salah. Kau sudah mengeluarkan kata kuncinya tadi, dan kau menyesalinya karena sudah mengambil langkah terburu-buru.

“Aku sudah tau!” bentaknya, “kita berdua tau” dia menghela nafas panjang berusaha menenangkan diri.

Hening. Kalian saling memandang. Benar-benar saling menatap, dengan tatapan yang jauh lebih lembut dan hangat, untuk pertama kalinya sejak tadi siang ketika kalian saling bertemu, kalian saling menatap tidak sebagai dua orang asing—dia tidak menatapmu sebagai orang asing. Kamar hotel itu benar-benar terasa sangat hening. Waktu seperti melambat, dan udara terasa pekat oleh segala emosi yang campur aduk.

“Sudahlah” gumamnya lirih, memohon. Memecahkan keheningan. “Kita gak perlu bahas apapun. Biarkan tetap seperti adanya hari ini, berpura-pura tidak saling mengenal. Apapun yang kita miliki dulu, kita simpan sendiri-sendiri, bahkan sebaiknya kita lupakan saja” suaranya bergetar lirih, tatapan matanya redup, tampak sangat lelah.

“Aku menolak. ” gumammu pelan.

“Kamu sudah melakukannya dengan sangat baik selama tujuh tahun ini.”

“Dan aku menyesalinya.”

“Tidak. kamu tidak menyesalinya.” Sahutnya cepat sambil melangkah ke pintu, membukanya, melangkah keluar, dan lalu menghilang dibalik pintu yang tertutup perlahan.

Kau menghela nafas panjang, tiba-tiba saja merasa sangat lelah. Kau meletakan siku dilengan kursi, duduk agak membungkuk, membiarkan jarimu saling bertaut di udara, menopang dagumu.

Ada begitu banyak hal memenuhi kepalamu. Kalimat—kau sudah melakukannya dengan baik selama tujuh tahun ini, menggema ditelingamu. Dan penyesalan karena sudah melewati tujuh tahun itu dengan baik, adalah kenyataan paling mengguncang. Kau menyadarinya hari ini, dan berdoa bahwa kau belum terlalu terlambat untuk memperbaikinya. Kau tidak berharap banyak awalnya, hanya ingin dimaafkan karena sudah begitu jahat memanfaatkannya dan lalu meninggalkan wanita itu begitu saja. Tapi kemudia semuanya berubah dan sekali lagi kau menjadi serakah. Kau ingin memulai lagi dari awal dengan wanita itu. Memperbaiki setiap kesalahan yang sudah kau lakukan tujuh tahun lalu, atau bahkan sepuluh tahun lalu ketika pertama kali kau mengenal wanita itu.

P.S. Semoga saja tagnya berfungsi dengan baik

Mantra Pembuka

 

Aroma apel menyeruak begitu aku sampai diujung lorong pendek yang menghubungkan pintu masuk dan ruang duduk. Ketika aku menoleh ke areal dapur yang terletak di sebelah kiri diseberang ruang duduk. Aku meliha sebuah mug diatas meja sarapan yang memisahkan dapur bersih dan dapur kotor dengan ruang duduk , asap mengepul dari mug itu. Aku letakkan tas selempangku begitu saja di lantai dan mendekati konter itu. Ketika aroma teh apel semakin kuat mengisi rongga hidungku, aku merasakan ngilu yang sangat familiar. Rindu.

Aku tatap mug itu, cukup lama untuk meresapi aroma rindu yang semakin kuat mengisi ruang hati.
"kamu tau kalo aku akan datang" gumamku pada pria bertubuh ramping yang tengah bersandar pada konter dapur dengan kaki menyilang. Dia memegang mug yang sama dengan yang diatas meja, namun aromanya berbeda. Ada aroma bergamont dari mug itu, Earl Grey, favorite nya.

"kita sudah berjanji bukan?" sahutnya dari bibir mugnya.

Ya, janji minum teh disetiap hari rabu jam empat sore. Janji yang sudah sangat lama aku abaikan. Terakhir kami minum teh bertahun lalu, sebelum dia pergi mengikuti adrenalinnya. Berpetualang keliling dunia. Hari terakhir kami saling bicara. Tidak ada selamat tinggal atau sampai jumpa lagi. Dan aku hanya pergi begitu saja, dan dia hanya diam melepaskan aku pergi begitu saja.

Aku tatap kotak kayu dengan gambar menara Eiffel diatasnya yang diletakkan tidak jauh dari mug teh apel yang disiapkan untukku.

"oleh-oleh buatmu" gumamnya sambil bangkit dan mendekat.

Aku buka kotak itu, ada tiga botol bertutup gabus. Satu berisi bunga lavender kering, satu berisi minyak mawar, dan satu berisi garam laut.

"sudah waktunya kembali meramu mantra" sambungnya sambil meletakkan sebuah keranjang berisi toples-toples berisi rempah-rempah dihadapanku.

Aku menatapnya, dan menyadari bahwa aku tidak pernah berhenti merindukan pria ini, dan pada setiap perjumpaan aku mengakui bahwa aku jatuh cinta lagi-dan lagi pada pria ini. Bukan cinta romantis seperti dalam cerita-cerita roman. Tapi cinta secara spiritual, cinta yang melewati batas romantisme.

"dan meski aku tidak begitu menyukai kehadiran dan keberadaannya, karena dia membuat perhatianmu padaku jadi terbagi" ucapnya sambil megeluarkan sebuah kantung kain dari dalam laci konter, 

"tapi dia harus tetap ada, karena dialah yang membakar dan menghidupkan cinta dalam hatimu" imbuhnya sambil meletakkan kantung kain berisi biji kopi itu dihadapanmu. 

Kami tahu isi kantung itu adalah kopi dari pita pengikatnya yabg berwarna magenta. Dia selalu sangat detil dalam semua hal, dan detil ini aku tahu ditujukan untul siapa.

"mulailah dengan mantra pelepas dan pembalik" ujarnya sambil menyentuh pipiku dengan lembut.
"kamu tau kalo aku bakal datang?" aku mengulang pertanyaanku.
"aku tau noona akan selalu kembali," setelah sekian lama, akhirnya aku mendengar panggilan itu lagi, "sejatinya aku tidak pernah pergi, aku selalu ada disini" imbuhnya sambil menatapku dengan lembut dan dalam.
"seperti kejora bintang pagi" gumamku lirih.
"akulah Kejora" sahutnya sambil tersenyum. Dan ketika aku lihat kerlip binar di matanya, hatiku terasa penuh. 

Semua akan baik-baik saja, gumamku dalam hati. Kejora sudah kembali.

KOKANG TEMBAK SELESAI

Pernah kau merasa sangat lelah, tapi bukan tipe lelah karena kurang tidur atau sangat butuh tidur. Tapi lelah yang bersumber pada sesuatu yang terasa jauh diluar jangkauan. Lelah yang menggerogoti sampai ke tulang sumsum yang entah bagaimana cara mengobatinya, you just so sure there's no cure for it.

Aku duduk bersila dengan rokok terselip diatara jari tengah dan telunjuk dan tatapan yang memandang pada entah. aku tidak tahu apakah aku ingin menangis tau tertawa, aku tidak ada dalam keinginan keduanya, semuanya terasa... Hampa.

Ada yang terasa salah tapi entah apa, aku mencoba memperbaiki segala sesuatu tanpa yakin apa yang aku lakukan akan benar-benar memperbaiki keadaan itu, atau malah menjadikannya lebih kacau.

Kacau. Mungkin itu kata yang tepat untuk menggambarkan keadaan ini. I'm messed up, I'm fucked up. aku hisap rokokku dalam-dalam dan menghembuskan aspnya keudara dengan perlahan, dengan permohonan bahwa segala kekacauan akan turut memudar siring menghilangnya asap rokokku di udara.

Demi Tuhan, aku lelah. Aku lipat kedua lututku, kupeluk erat sambil ku tenggelamkan wajahku kedalam cerukannya. Demi Tuhan, siapa saja, selamatkan aku dari diriku sendiri saat ini. aku berdoa pada keheningan yang menyesakkan.

Aku tarik nafasku banyak-banyak seolah-olah aku baru saja menghirup udara setelah sekian lama terkurung dalam air. aku mengerjapkan mataku berkali-kali, terdiam, mencoba menajamkan telinga yang tadi seolah tuli, mencoba mengenali suara samar-samar yang tiba-tiba muncul. ku tengok jam di dinding, pukul tiga kurang lima menit. ujung mataku menangkan cahaya yang beriringan dengan suara getar, aku toleh, poncelku berdering. dilayarnya muncul sebuah nama "All Mighty Ruth". bergegas aku mengangkatnya.

"Are you oke? Lo baik-baik aja kan?"

Rasanya melegakan ketika mendengar suara itu. Tuhan, Kau tidak pernah mengecewakanku, Kau kirimkan bala bantuan selalu tepat pada waktunya.

"Kokang tembak selesai" jawabku 

"Demi Tuhan Mi..." sahutnya diringi desahan nafas panjang.

~CM~

 

LOVE CURE EXTRA

SPECIAL PART OF BABY AND BEBE

When Double S entered the practice room, they look surprise when they see there is five people practice dance with the song “A Song Calling for U”, there are tree girls and two boys, and they stop practicing when they see Double S entered the room, they make a line and bow, and greet them.
“Annyeonghaseyo, sunbae-nim” they say almost at the same time
Double S looking to each other,
“Are they our new dancer?” Hyung Joon ask to all his hyung, but they just raised they shoulders, they have no clue either.
“No, they your hoobae” one of the staff enter the room followed by their Manager hyung
“They are DSP new family member ‘x-y’, let me introduce you all” their manager hyung says while introduce them to Double S.
“Annyeonghaseyo, I’m Yong Jae, twenty years old, I’m the leader, please take care of us sunbae” the boys who stand next to a girl on the right side bow
“Annyeonghaseyo, I’m Ean Sue, twenty first years old, I’m they older sister” the girl on the left side bow with smile
“Annyeonghaseyo, I’m Woo Bin, twenty years old, I’m the second brother” the boys who stand next to a girl name Ean Sue introduce him self with confidence
“Annyeonghaseyo, I’m Yi Soon, nineteen years old, I’m the center” the girl who stand on the right introduce her self with shy smile
“Annyeonghaseyo, I’m You Mie, I’m eighteen, I’m bebe the baby” the girl that stand on the center bow also with shy smile.
“Wow, so you the baby? I’m baby too” Hyung Joon shout all of sudden with smile ear to ear, since they enter the practice room his eyes already catch that cute girl who stand in the center, than he find out got name You Mie.
“I’m called Bebe, since I’m the youngest” You Mie nod shyly
“Ahh, chincharo? Me too” Hyung Joon eyes get widen, and smile that not leave his excited face
“Well, boy they will perform with you as an opening in yours next concert” they Manager hyung say
“They are DSP new group, we expecting that they can be the next big thing, since they are the first group with mixed member, so we hope that you all can be good sunbae, and give them your support” the staff from the office say
“And starting right now, you all will have segment for practicing the song and the dance together, so please I need your cooperation” they Manager hyung say later
“Wah, this is fun” Hyung Joon say while taking a glance to You Mei,
“Let’s do our best” kyu Jong says
“Please help us sunbae-nim” all the member of ‘x-y’ says at the same time while bowing
Double S member also bow
“Nice to meet you all hoobae” Jung Min say with big smirk
“It interesting to see a group with mixed member” Kyu Jong says
“Yes, we very excited, we really hope that we can succeed like Double S, sunbae” Yong Jae says
“If you work hard you will” Hyun Joong says
“So, a song that we will sing together is ‘ A Song Calling For You’ then” Yeong Saeng says, and the five of ‘x-y’ member nod
“Oke guys, we will leave you all here so you all can practice, your trainer will come soon, be good” the staff says, she and Double S manager hyung leave the practice room.

Double S and ‘x-y’ member sit in the circle, and talking about the audition that they take apart, and how they gathered as a group, and say they amazement of they sunbae, Double S.

Hyung Joon take a gaze at You Mei, he can’t take his gaze from that girl since the first time he saw her almost half and hour ago. They on the sort break after practicing the dance move. He sit next to her in purposed, well its not surprising if Hyung Joong able to get a long with new people that fast, his fun easy going personality make him can easily blend with anyone. And that girl You Mei, not just attract him, but really amaze him, she cute girl. She’s pretty, with clear skin, long dark brown long hair, slim body, and her dance ability that beyond average, and her voice, really good. She had all the quality for being an idol, well it doesn’t meant the other not, it just she attract him more than the other. Maybe it’s love at first sight?

“Well, I stay in Philipins since I was tree since my father was a Pinoy, and move here a bout four years ago after my father pass away cos of cancer, I’m following my mother since she’s a Korean, so yea, my hangul accent a little bit funny” You Mei say with thin shy smile
“I see, so you half Korean, half Philipins? Wah amazing” Hyung Joon says with widen eyes shows his excitement.
“Not really, I get scolded by other girls in school most of the time cos of it” You Mei says in amusement
“I think they just jealous cos you so pretty” Hyung Joon says with smile
“Gamsahamida, Hyung Joon sunbae” You Mei says shyly and little blushing
“So you the youngest among them?” Hyung joon ask
“Yes, that why they call me Bebe, and that also why I get scolded by them too” You Mei says while looking to other ‘x-y’ member
“Well me too, especially from that mal” Hyung Joon pointed to Jung Min, make You Mei chuckle
“Actually You and Jung Min sunbae are my favorite, cos I think you two are funny”
“Ah…chincha? But Jung Min is taken” why he have to say that? He just feel have to say it
“Taken?” You Mei frown her eye brow
“Yup, you know?” Hyung Joon role his eyes
“You meant Jung Min sunbae have a girlfriend?” You Mei ask carefully, and Hyung Joon nod without hesitant
“Chincha? Don’t idol not supposed to date?” You Mei says with low voice almost like a whisper, her face look startle, and excitement while glance to Jung Min that sit next to Hyung Joon
“That why we have to make it as a secret” Hyung Joon say also in same low tone voice
“Ya! You bucket mouth” Jung Min smack Hyung Joon head, and glare,
“Ouch!” Hyung Joon smirk while pat his head, meant while You Mei look startled with Jung Min reaction, but also feel tickle when she see Hyung Joon smirk
Jung Min take a gaze to You Mei
“So, what your name again?” Jung Min ask to You Mei with friendly smile,
“Please call me Bebe, that much easy to remember” You Mei says
“Alright then Bebe, do you have a boyfriend?” Jung Min ask all of sudden while gaze to Hyung Joon with mischievous smile, and make all the people there look at You Mei
“Huh?” You Mei startled with blushing face
“A boyfriend, do you have it?” Jung Min ask again,
“Why you ask her that?” Hyung Joon says while looking to Jung Min with glare
“Shut up you bucket mouth, I try to help you here” once again Jung Min smack Hyung Joon head
“Ouch, that hurts you mal!” Hyung Joon pout
“What do you meant by try to help me?” Hyung Joon pat his head
Jung Min didn’t answer, he just look at You Mei, with smile that intimidate, make You Mei feel awkward and shy.
“No, she don’t have it, she just broke up” Yi Soon says all of sudden make You Mei face turn red, and almost drop her jaw, she close her eyes, and didn’t dare looking at Jung Min and Hyung Joon cos of embarrassment
“Unnie…..” she glare to Yi Soon who’s grin, Jung Min smile widely, Hyung Joon smile ear to ear, and the rest just giggle.
“That’s great. Now give me your phone” once again Jung Min give You Mei intimidate smile, and make that poor girl startle again and confused
“Ya, Jung Min-ah why you want her phone” Hyung Joon glare to Jung Min again, but Jung Min just ignore him, and continue intimidate You Mei, and You Mei give him her phone in hesitant.
When Jung Min get her phone, he presses a phone number then save it, and then he press the call button, and then they heard a phone ring
“My phone” Hyung Joon says when he recognize the sound of his phone ring tone, he took it out from his bag, and frown cos the phone disconnected
“There, you better save it, and I also save his number for you, so now you two can communicated” Jung Min says while returning the phone to You Mei with smugly smile.

Jung Min realize that Hyung Joong intention most of the time to that cute girl, and he look hyper, talk nonsense, and when he heard he says about him has bean taken after You Mei said about him and Hyung Joon as her favorite, just like a clue, that his maknae got interest to the girl. And the idea to go strike to the point pop up from his head, well he just like that, strike to the point. And it work, like usual.

“Oke boys and girls, lets start practicing again” they trainer says while clapping his hand, and all Double S and ‘x-y’ member get up and prepare to continue they practice.

~Would you like to go for drink after this?, Baby~
Hyung Joon take aglance to You Mei after sending that text massage, and he smile ear to ear when he see You Mei smile shyly also take a glance at him, and he feel the buzz from his phone he take a look right away,
~Sure, Bebe~

And it all started for Hyung Joon- Baby and You Mei- Bebe.

“Man, I want to have a girlfriend too” Kyu Jong murmur while looking at Hyung Joon that look so happy talking with You Mei at the airport when Double S and ‘x-y’ headed to Japan for they concert
“Make a move, and less your shyness, act like man for god sake” Jung Min says while keep busy typing text massage
“Yea, you have bean stare at her quietly for almost a year, right?” Yeong Saeng says while pointing to a young girl that holding an agenda who’s stand not far from them with his chin
“What do you meant hyung?” Kyu Jong act blur
“C’mon, we all know you like her” Hyun Joong says elbowed Kyu Jong arm
“You think, we not notice it did you?” Hyung Joon says with playful smile
Kyu Jong smirk shyly, his face red, he startled like a little kid get caught stealing cookies. He never though that all his brothers notice it, that silently he had a crush to Eun Hye, they second assistant for almost a year.

Eun Hye work as they second assistant for two years, but before that she work as one of DSP staff, at first she just a replacement for they old second assistant, who is get marriage, but then she become they second assistant for good since they old second assistant get pregnant not long after she marriage. She’s a nice girl, very organize, and have a good memory, she’s sweet kind of girl. And Kyu Jong find out that she is click with him who shy, when they talk, when he share his dry joke, and her patient make Kyu Jong had more crush on her. But he and his shyness make him just keep it silent, he really less courage to ask her for a date. And so when Eun Hye has a boyfriend Kyu Jong really sad, but luckily the relationship ended after tree month cos of Double S thigh schedule, make Eun Hye and her boyfriend can’t communicate that well so they broke up. And no one that feel happy than Kyu Jong, but he still less courage to ask her out, till its almost a year and so.
“Go, or you will lose her again” Jung Min push Kyu Jong

Kyu Jong take a step, he rubs his face.
“Eun Hye, will you out for eat ramen with me?” Kyu Jong ask with shaken knee
“You like ramen for dinner? I’ll tell Manager-nim so he can inform the Japanis staff to prepare it for all of you” Eun Hye say while try to call the manager, but Kyu Jong stop her
“I meant, just the two of us” Kyu Jong ask hesitantly
“What do you meant Kyu Jong-shi?” Eun Hye ask
“I’m asking you for a date” Kyu Jong says shyly, Eun Hye blink her eyes, then give Kyu Jong Thin smile
“So?” Kyu Jong cover her mouth with both off his hand
“Araso, all tell you if we have time” Eun Hye says with also shy smile
Kyu Jong smile raised widely

And for Yeong Saeng just say that he already have it, a girl named Tracy,

~cm~

Chap 15 (The Final)

Chapter 15

Chae Rim give warm smile when she saw the man that standing in front of her door with a bunch of daisy her favorite flower, but the man just frown his eyebrow.
“Aigoo, what this? Where is your chubby cheek?” he says while looking at her without blinking.
“Are you loosing weight? Did I tell you that I love your chubby cheek?” he says again while entering Chae Rim apartment
“Oppa…” Chae Rim pout with cute gaze
“Are you missed me that much, till you lost your weight?” he grin
“I am miss you, but I’m not loose weight, I’m just get older” Chae Rim say while follow him to the living room
“Chincha? Let me look at you?” he look at her closely
“Yea, I think so, I see wrinkle here and there” he say while pointing part of her face
“Oppa…” Chae Rim hit his arm, and he giggle saw Chae Rim whined cutely annoyed by his joke
“Hey, are you crying?” he ask suspiciously while looking at her eyes
“No, it just some thing get to my eyes” she smile and rubs her eyes, try not to make him more suspicious, she doesn’t want him to know what she feel inside her heart.
“Here, your favorite, congratulation, finally you have your own shoes line, I’m proud of you” he give her the flower, and she except it with big smile
“Thank you oppa”
“Now, can you made me ginger tea? I missed that a lots” He smirk
“Oke, take a sit, it wont take long” Chae Rim walk to the kitchen with the flower

He sit on the sofa comfortably, he look around the living room, the atmosphere are new, since it her new place, but he still can feel the cozy, the comfortable that he still remember, the comfortable that he misses for almost over than two years as long he served the army, and most of all her presence that he missed.
He frown his forehead when his eyes catch a picture on her laptop, he get up and walk forward to her working table to get better look, it her picture with a man, a man that kind of familiar. He played the video from the start, and he saw other picture of her and that guy, a young guy, his dongsaeng from the world of idol. The picture show how intimate they are, there are a hurts feeling inside him, a small piece of jealousy, that still left from the past, even tho this time they more close, more comfortable to one another as a brother and sister, but he still can’t deny that manly jealousy when he saw that picture.
Eric stop the video, he sigh, he did not expect this, he expect something sweet for his yearning. And at that time he accidentally open the email, he sigh when he read the email,
“I know it” he murmur, and then walk to the kitchen, he just realized, that he saw her eyes look a little red, as well with her nose.

“Are you crying?” he ask gently while round his hand over Chae Rim shoulder that boiled some water with tea and ginger
“Did I told you, no?” she answer shortly without looking
“Tell me” he turned her body so now they face to face
“Is he the one who make you cried?” Eric look at Chae Rim right in the eyes
“He who?” Chae Rim act blur, she just realize that she forgot to close his email, and the video that he made.
“The idol that on the picture with you”
Chae Rim lower her face, she close her eyes, and sigh. She didn’t answer, she just turn her face back to the tea that she making. and for him that was the answer.
“Is he?” Eric ask again, Chae Rim can sense a jealousy on his voice tone,
“What make you think that he the one who make me cry?” Chae Rim ask Eric back while turn off the stove and replace the tea from the pot to the glasses clear tea pot
“I don’t know, I just feel it, that he’s the one behind your tears” he raised his shoulder with smirk
“It’s me oppa, I cry b’cos of my self” Chae Rim sigh and served the tea to Eric. They sit at small dinning table next the kitchen.
“You know oppa, that I always think that idol not made for me, I always do” Chae Rim say in amusement
“They to complicated for me, to many rules, to many antis fans, to much pressure, I hate it” Eric listening patiently, she say it all the reason that he have listen once in a years ago, the reason that she use to broke up with him. Well maybe it can’t say broke up cos broke up for a couple, and they just do short of date.
“And him? He just such an annoying dongsaeng, bugging me over an ice cream mix, sending me weird text message, give me surprise visit, make me feel sympathy with the same old idol story, and amaze me at the same time with his confidence, warm, friendly smile. When I saw so many young idol look shy and try to look cute this days, but he not, he just so confidence. Da*mn, why he has to be so confidence, make me lost my sight at him as a dongsaeng, and his smile…...” tears start falling from the corner of her eyes.
“I try to ignore it, I try to avoid it, but my heart won’t compromise. I think every thing will be oke, as long he doesn’t know about what I feel to him. Then he come, telling me, convince me that he love me. And I feel this fear, I try to deny it, cos I’m still try to hold on to my believe that an idol not made for me, they to complicated for my comfortable life, but my heart keep betrayal me, I cant take him out of my mind, na oetoeke hajyo, Eric oppa?” Char Rim wipe her tears.
Eric get up from his sit, then he take Chae Rim to his embrace.
“Ireon babo, you stupid girl” Eric pat Chae Rim hair, he enjoy that moment, when he can held her in his embrace, sense her scent, even just as a brother, he still thankful cos he still can feel it that his presence still special for her. He wipe her last tears, and smile warmly,
“Did Hwang Bo know about this? Cos that guy were Hyun Joong member right?” Erick ask carefully.
“Yup” Chae Rim nod
“For how long both of you have bean date” he really need to ask this for his little pieces of jealousy
“Well, we not officially date yet, cos I ask him to give me time to convince my self” Chae Rim still lower her face, she doesn’t dare to look to Eric eyes.
“So you in the same ship as Hwang Bo, huh? Hooked up with young idol?” Eric chuckle
“Aish oppa, you think it funny, huh?” Chae Rim glare
“Chincha oppa, utgida sileo. It’s not funny, I’m confused” Chae Rim pout
“Araso, araso, you not confused when you make a decisions to rejected me, and now you confused. Lucky him” Eric sit next to Chae Rim
“Are you jealous, oppa?” Chae Rim gaze
“If I say yes, what will you do?” Eric give a thin smile
“Mianhae oppa” Chae Rim says softly
“Mian piryoeopsseumnida, don’t fell sorry, I like the way we are now” he smile widely, make Chae Rim feel more calm
“So, what will you do? It look like he really love you, and still waiting for you” Eric says
“If you really have the same feeling as him, give him a chance then, he look like really a nice guy, beside idol not different with any other human, we just lucky have an opportunity to be some one famous for what we do”
“You know, Rim-ah? I believe you able to handle everything, cos you are strong girl, look, you live here by your self, and you doing it really well, I’m proud of you, and him? He will feel the same too. So if you love him, give him a chance. Beside, without you realize it, actually you are part of the idol world since you have bean friend with them, being friend with most famous Korean idol group ever ‘SHINHWA’” Eric grin
“Oh my god oppa, you are so right” Chae Rim make a face, and they laugh together
“Now, feeling better?” Eric ask with warm smile, Chae Rim nod
“Good, now go change, cos the others wait for us” Eric pat Chae Rim shoulder
“Where?” Chae Rim ask
“Don’t ask, just do what I say” Eric grin
Chae Rim not ask anymore, and do what Eric ask her to.

At other part

Jung Min about to out from his car, but then he take his step back when he saw Eric out from the building and followed by Chae Rim. He feel breathless when he saw Chae Rim gaze with a smile when Eric open the car door for her. Suddenly he feel his face heated like its burning, he lump his palm really hard, his jaw tighten, he feel an anger inside his head, inside his heart. He turn on the engine, and step the gas, he ride his car not far from Eric car, he follow them.
His mind running here and there when he saw Eric and Chae Rim enter one of five star hotel, but he still try to hold his self not to step on them, he have to make sure what will they do, he follow them to the hotel.
They not stop at the receptionist, but head to the elevator, da*mn now how he find out which room they stay. He looked at the receptionist, he can ask them, but then again that can be stupid idea, he snort in anger.
Why he have to appear? What is he doing with her? What are they doing in the hotel?
He closed his eyes, once again his mind run here and there. At the time he feel the buzz from his phone, he look at the caller id, it Hyun Joong.
“Yes, hyung” Jung Min try to talk in calm tone
“I just remind you that we have to practice in fifteen minute” Hyun Joong say from the cross line
“Araso” then he hang up the phone, he take deep breath and blow it hard, he step out from the hotel, back to his car. He take a look to the hotel one more time before he leave.

Did she say that they just like brother and sister, but why they come to hotel? What did they do? Its out of the clue, and he so pissed off cos not able to know why. Da*mn, he curse.
he take a look the hotel one more time before he leave

At other part

Jung min smile widely when he saw Hwang Bo, but then it turn in to cold stare when he see a girl behind her back. The girl warm smile change in to disappointment gaze when she get his reaction, she sigh, and enter Double S dorm in hesitant step.

Jung Min coldness toward Chae Rim make the atmosphere at the dinning table a little beat awkward. And no one know why Jung Min so cold toward Chae Rim, when they see her earlier they though Jung Min will be happy, cos finally he able to see the girl that he bean longing for more than two month. And that cold and ignoring behavior is so not him.

“Chae Rim-ah, don’t you have something to given to Jung Min?” Hwang Bo says try to break the ice between them
“Oh, that right” Chae Rim answer awkwardly, and took out the paper bag that she brought from under the table, but before Chae Rim says anything, Jung Min drag her to his room, and lock it from inside. He no longer able to hold his anger.
“Ya! Tell me, what am I for you, huh? And that night? Is that just one night stand for you?” Jung Min burst out his anger that has bean hold for almost tree night and two days
“What are you talking about? And please lower your voice, they can hear you” Chae Rim says startled with Jung Min anger, she put her hand on chest, Jung Min look scary
“I don’t care, let them hear it” Jung Min sited Chae Rim on his bed
“Tell me, what are you doing with him in the hotel?” Jung Min ask again still in angry tone
“Him who?” Chae Rim ask confused
“So that it, you ask for time to think, cos his back now, and you need time to consider to back with him again or not? What am I for you? A boy toy?”
“What?!!” Chae Rim stand up
“How low is your mind, I come her to give you this, and tell you that I want to be with you, b’cos I love you, I miss you!” Chae Rim shout in tremble voice, tears start falling from the corner of her eyes, and pushed the paper bag that she bring to Jung Min chest, and make him startled,
“And if him that you mention is Eric oppa, let me tell you something, that night he take me to the LOUNGE at the second floor of the HOTEL, to gather with Andy oppa, Min Woo oppa, and Solby, to congratulate me cos finally I can have MY OWN LINE, something that I’m about to tell you too! There, i hope you satisfied” Chae Rim cover her face with both of her hands, she cry more hard
Jung Min took out the box from the paper bag, and open it, he saw dark brown lather shoes, there also a small card with the same picture with the first card, but the balloon colored red and not yellow.
*Mr. sexy-charisma, I miss you*
Guilt attacking Jung Min right away, he look at Chae Rim with regret eyes, he feel so stupid, how come he shout that hard to the woman he love?
Jung Min put the shoes on the bed, then take Chae Rim to his embrace, then kiss her hair
“Mianhae little noona, I’m so sorry” Jung Min hold Chae Rim tight then loosen up, he sit at the age of his bed, and sited her on his lap, wipe her tears,
“I’m sorry, I’m just jealous guy, and desperately missed you” Jung Min round Chae Rim hands on his neck, his voice was gentle, and he look at her with full of regret eyes,
“That night I’m about to see you, cos I miss you so much, but then I saw you and him out, and I follow you, I’m so mad when I saw you entered the hotel and lost you, and I lost my mind” Jung Min lay his head at Chae Rim shoulder, he explain his anger. Jung Min take a look to Chae Rim and smile, her eyes was red and swallowed but the way she look at him like a puppy, and Jung Min found it cute, he wipe the last drop of her tears.
“Sorry, I’m make you scared and cry, but you really make me frustrated” Jung Min says while flatter Chae Rim cheeks and kiss it for a glance softly,
“So, they choose your design?” Jung Min ask with excitement, Chae Rim just nod, still not able answer his question properly, she still in shock.
“I’m so proud of you! We have to celebrate it, I know you will make it” Jung Min pinch Chae Rim nose
“I design that shoes too, my first man shoes design, and it’s for you” Chae Rim says with husky voice,
“Chincha?” Jung Min eyes widen cos of excitement
“mhmm, if you look carefully you will see a horse mark on one of the side, and I want you the first who have it” Chae Rim explain
“Thank you, I wont make you cry again, I promise, even tho you doesn’t want me to, I will still do it, promise not to make you cry again” Jung Min smile sincerely
“Am I forgiven?” Jung Min give her regret look again, and Chae Rim nod like a little child.
“So, you really want to be with me? To be my girl?” Jung Min ask another questions along with bid satisfied smile, and again Chae Rim answered it with nod,
“So that meant we are official now?” Jung Min asked another question with grin, Chae Rim nod again.
“You should thanks Eric oppa, cos he the one who incourage me to give you the chance, and Hwang Bo unnie too” Chae Rim pout
“And don’t jealous over him, his your brother in-law” Chae Rim give cute gaze
“Araso….araso” Jung Min give Chae Rim a glance of kiss this time on her lips
“Now, let eat, I’m hungry” Jung Min says
“Do you think they left the food for us?” Chae Rim ask
“They will, trust me they not even eat it yet” Jung Min answer half whispered with smirk

At another part out of the door

Every one just looking to each other when saw Jung Min drag Chae Rim to his room, when day heard the door closed, without any command, they took a step to Jung Min room door, and start putting they ears on it. They looked to each other when they heard Jung Min first shout.
“One night stand?” Hyung Joon murmur while looking to Hyun Joong and Hwang Bo who stand side by side next to him, make Hwang Bo blush, and Yeong Saeng smack his head,
“ouch” Hyung Joon grown without sound and gaze to Yeong Saeng, and Yeong Saeng give him sharp glare.
“Hotel?” Kyu Jong whispering while looking to the others
“Who is him?” Hyung Joon whispering also while looking to the others, but no one answered it they just looking to each other, now they find out the reason behind Jung Min unusual behavior.
“She back with who?” this time Hyun Joong who whispering while looking to Hwang Bo, when Jung Min shout for the third time, but Hwang Bo just raised her shoulder, she out of the clue either.
They all make a face when they heard what Chae Rim says, and once again Hyung Joon ask, this time he look to Hwang Bo directly,
“What did she give?”
“Shoes” Hwang Bo answer it almost without sound
“She designed it” Hwang Bo continue her answer
“Ahh….” Hyung Joon mouth open widely and nod his head a couple of time, and put back his ear on the door, and they heard Chae Rim cry, they expression change in to concern, they never though that Jealous Jung Min more scary than usual.
And they heard Chae Rim mentioning Eric name, they frowned, and when Chae Rim finish her words they face turn to disbelieve and all the four man look at Hwang Bo with questioning look, than change in to amaze look, when Hwang Bo nod answering they questions look, and frown again when they heard the sound of Chae Rim crying.
They were like little child who’s curious with the secret behind the door of the witch house, like in the children movie. So childish, but they enjoy it. They continue sneak ears, they breath in relieve when they heard Jung Min voice calmer, and apologize to Chae Rim, and they wry every time they heard Jung Min mushy words, but except for Yeong Saeng, he look so interested, well maybe he need it to add to his list, he is the love guru anyway.

“How do you know they not eat it yet?” Chae Rim ask in confused
Jung Min put his ear on the door, then make a sign with his finger to Chae Rim to do the same, and Chae Rim follow him, she put her ears on the door. Then Jung Min un lock the key hardly, and then they heard steps in a rush a way from the door. Jung Min smirk to Chae Rim,
Chae Rim take of her ear, her eyes widen, she almost drop her jaw.
“Omo, they heard all that we talk about? Naoetoeke? How do I face them, I’m so embarrassed” Chae Rim pout almost cry
“Why you have to feel embarrassed? Just pretend that you don’t know that they know” Jung Min look at Chae Rim with convincing eyes
“How do I do that, I already know that they know?” Chae Rim ask again
“Dis I told you to pretend that you don’t know that they know? C’mon, before they really eat all the food” once again Jung Min drag Chae Rim, but this time out from the room and head to the dinning room.
Chae Rim nervous

When they heard the sound of un lock door, they take fast step back to the dinning room, and start eating the food that they prepare before, and act blur when they see Jung Min and Chae Rim enter the dinning room, and join them in happy moods,

“See? What I told you?” Jung Min whisper to Chae Rim, and gaze to him shyly
“It’s look like everything doing well between you two” Hyun Joong says while put some rice to his mouth
“It is, we are a couple now” Jung Min says while embrace Chae Rim, make her shy, and the others turn in to hyper, they shout and clapping they hands

And Jung Min really like to show off,
“Stop it will you, she can eat by her self” Hwang Bo says when she see Jung Min feed Chae Rim again, and again.
“You just jealous, why don’t you just ask your boyfriend here to feed you” Jung Min roll his eyes, Hwang Bo chuckle in embarrassment,
“I’m not feeding, but feed” Hyun Joong Says flatly make Hwang Bo laugh, Chae Rim chuckle and almost get choke, Jung Min wry, and the rest just smile.

At other part

“Chincha Chae Rim-ah, that ring, I saw it before” Tae Hee says while looking to the ring on Chae Rim left ring finger. Chae Rim just smile.
“So, you have a boyfriend now? Maybe we should go out together for double date, I want to see him, is he that weird songsaeng?” Tae Hee says again with grin, Chae Rim smile mysteriously

Chae Rim looking at the celtic design cartier silver ring, that round at her finger. She smile proudly, Jung Min give it to her tree months a go, a month after they officially become a couple, his wide ear to ear smile keep rolling on her mind every time she see that ring.
They just finish dinner, celebration dinner for her succeed have her own shoesline, and for they one month celebration as a couple. Chae Rim sit on the floor, and Jung Min lar down, with his head lay on her lap, he really like to do that.
“I have something for you” he said while took out a little silver box from his pocket, and open it. Chae Rim heart pounding when he saw the silver ring on it, she lost her words, she never had couple ring.
“It’s a couple ring, look I’m wearing it” he show his left hand ring finger.
He took out the ring from the box, and put it on Chae Rim left hand ring finger, and then hold her hand on his chest,
“Thank you for the chance that you given to me, and I’m sorry, b’cos maybe I can’t give you proper date, just like the other man do. I can’t treat you like the other girl, where they can walk out on the street holding they boyfriend hands, show off to the world, mean while you have to keep it as a secret. And the fact that we have so little time to be able together, but if I had the chance to give all dream date that you have, I will be very happy to do it” Jung Min look at her dearly.
Chae Rim tears start falling from the corner of her eyes. She made the right decisions that night. When she call Hwang Bo and ask her favor to help her to see him, to told him, that she want to give him a chance, give her self a chance, give them self a chance to walk down the road together, take all the chance, and face all the risk.
She kiss him softly, she fell lucky to have him, and thankful, cos she know, even the road that they have to take wont easy, even tho he will not always be there for her, she know, he won’t leave her.
“Aww…I make you cry again” he get up and sit in front of her, wipe her tears, and cup her face,
“I’m sorry, I’m just to happy, thank you” she said while try to hold her tears
He smile and give her a kiss

Chae Rim amusement awaken, by Rossi voice,
“Every one, can I have your intentions please”
The office become noise when all the staff from the design department see the people behind Rossi, Tae Hee eyes almost pop out, and her jaw almost drop, and Chae Rim look startle, she look surprise. Rossi introduce them after the situations calm.
“People I like to introduce you all to our new image for the man collections, they are one of Korean best idol group, SS501” then Rossi a lowed them to introduce them self,
“This is design department, there are five designer here, and I believe one of you already know her, this is Han Chae Rim one of our best designer, and next year she will work for her own female shoe line, but still under our company” Cahe Rim bow. And greet them after Rossi introduce her. She saw Jung Min smile widely, he look so excited, look so satisfied cos manage to surprise her. He didn’t say anything last night when they chat in msn, he says that they return being canceled.
Jung Min smile playfully when he saw Chae Rim gaze.
“Oke people, thank you for your time, now back to work” Rossi sys after finish introduce all the staff, and lead Double S out from the office, and leave the noise from the female staff, specially they die hard fans Tae Hee.
“Now, I remember, your ring look like Park Jung Min ring!” she shout while looking to the ring, then she pause, and looking at Chae Rim wit suspicious look,
“He not your boyfriend right?” and at that moment Chae Rim feel the buzz from her pocket, a new message, from him. Chae Rim ignoring Tae Hee, she just type her replay.
~What’s your plan for the night?~
~Watching P.S I love you again~
~Do you like some popcorn?~
~I’m not in the mood for popcorn~
~How about soda?~
~I drink a cane of cold beer when I’m watching movie~
~I have wine~
~ Wine sound good~
~Don’t start without me then, and I miss you~
Chae Rim smile when reading his message, and then look at Tae Hee, that still bugging her with the questions,
“You not date Park Jung Min, right?”
“Park Jung Min?” Chae Rim look at Tae Hee plainly, Tae Hee pause again while looking at Chae Rim, and studying her face. Then she said
“Mhmm, nah, I think you not” Tae Hee shook her head and wry
*Yes, I’m his girlfriend*
Chae Rim says in her mind, she grin to Tae Hee.
THE END

~cm~